However, I have one major flaw in the phobia department. I am absolutely, one hundred percent terrified of praying mantis. There is no reason behind it really. I just absolutely hate the little buggers. Are they good luck to have in the home? Do I care? Not in the least. If one tried to come into my home I would take the deodorant and the lighter and flame the little bastard to ashes.
Which is well and good unless you live in a canvas tent. My zip on my tent broke. Naturally. So I was sitting up one night late talking to someone wonderful on skype till about 2am, finally said goodbye, and was just about to turn out the light... and a praying mantis flies into the tent. And lands on the lamp next to my head. NEXT TO MY HEAD!!!!!!
I stifled a scream, and ran/fell/stumbled accross the tent to the furthest corner I could. And stared at it. Now what? The mantis was sitting quite calmly on the light, enjoying the fact that unlike the laterns outside, this light wont kill it. I wish I had a lantern in my room. But no. There it sat, staring back, calmly rubbing its horrible little front feet together.
I reviewed my options:
Home made deodorant flamethrower? ..... no, canvas tent.
umm...
Someone else to come get it for me? .........Its 2am. They might kill me instead of the mantis.
huh.
Maybe a shoe thrown expertly accross the room? Wait, I am a girl. I cant throw. My wrists always get in the way for some reason...
PANIC!
I actually started crying. I dont cry... much. I can turn them on or off, but generally I dont cry unless its tactical. But this time I started crying out of sheer frustration. My palms were so sweaty with fear that my hands could just about rival my eyes for liquid leakage.
I decided to try master my fear and grabbed a bowl that I kept in the tent for the kittens water, emptied it, and slowly moved towards hells creature. It was now sitting on the side of the tent. I gathered my thoughts, took a deep breathe, let out a little wimper and pounced on the thing with the bowl.
Except
I hadnt thought about the fact that canvas walls arent solid by definition. The little fucker slid out from under the bowl and flew accros the room, brushing my hand as it went. Have you ever done that dance? That 'theres something on me I am sure of it but I cant work out where' dance? I did it for a full 3 minutes. Only to see it had landed on my mirror. This time I didnt stop to think, I just pounced. GOT IT!! Wohooo! Slid a piece of cardboard underneath and took it outside and left it under the bowl. It took me a full hour to get to sleep.
The next day I was flushed with triumph. I had overcome fear and survived without mantis induced death. Until I walked to the canteen for lunch. There, sitting on the fencing, was the biggest praying mantis I have ever seen. It was longer from head to tail than my hand.
I took a picture on a very high zoom setting so that people couldn't tell me I was lying about the size, and then walked all the way round the camp to get to the canteen from the other side.
When I leave here, I am never, ever coming back.
12 comments:
So this means when you leave for vacation, you are gone?
So funny...now I cannot handle spiders, of any kind. I do "that dance" when it comes to them.
Praying Mantis, I like those. I use to walk around as a kid letting them crawl on me. (Ok, so I probably about made you pass out saying that.) But I was always told they were good luck and found them fun to play with.
Spiders, yuck!
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGG!!! That makes me want to wash myself, just the thought! Ug.
Yup, I don't plan to come back. And to the two of you that live in Juba and read this blog, shhhhhhh..... I haven't handed in my notice yet.
I have left a gift for you over at my blog. Go pick it up!
Creepin', crawlin', flyin' thingies can be worse than facing a human eating lion. Sometimes.
But they're such sweet, peaceful, fabulous creatures! Spiders on the other hand... rude... always everywhere, walking funny, fast, and HAIRY... and bigger than my hand too often... and if not, freakishly fast and jump bloody high... snakes... not as much an issue in my life... I'm a fan of them in their natural habitat, and me not in it! You and I would make good calm down buddies, but I think we already knew this. When u next gonna be on chat???? You NEVER around during office hours :.(
The irrational urge to throw oneself off high structures is generally what inspires the fear of heights in the first place! I feel exactly the same about cockroaches - absolutely paranoid whenever I'm close to one.
I'm the same as Lopz with cockroaches.
I have seen Miss P's reaction to praying mantis's. It is special. She once refused to enter her own flat by the front door as there was one just outside the door.
However I am not one to talk as I have literally run screaming out of rooms that have cockroaches in them!
Shivz: I very clearly remember getting rid of a spider for you at that house in Constantia! You were NOT calm.
Lopz: I do know that but oddly it doesn't scare me, or make me dizzy. I just want to jump, cause it looks like it would be so much fun! (yeah, don't ask, I am a little mad)
Miss M: Not just running screaming from rooms! I distinctly remember you calling a mutual friend at some godaweful hour at night to get her to come get rid of the cockroach in your house.....
Ah yes I recall that ... ;)
Ok, someone mentioned big hairy hand sized spiders and now I feel the urge to go bath in bleach.
Yuck! Gross! OMG! I feel sick!
How you can you like spider and hate praying mantis???
P.S. When are you going to pick up you award and post?
P.S.S. I never see you in the office either.
P.S.S.S. Yes, rude...spiders are definately rude.
Malicious, at the risk of provong myself regressing into a 3rd world state of being, um... how do I collect?
ah, technial issues.
Go back to the page where the award was posted. Right click on the award (if you are using a pc) and then click "save as" if it comes up as untitled, give it a name. Save it somewhere on your computer where you can find it. I find it handy to have a "blog" folder for pictures.
Once you do that, go to the top of your blog to "customize" then you go to the side bar and click on "add an element". Another window will open, you click "add a picture" then when you do that another window will open. Click on browse. Find picture/award. Follow prompts to add it. Title it if you want. Add the url if you want. Then hit save. It should appear on the right hand side of your blog. If you wish to put the award down lower, go back to the control panel and take that box and drag it down lower to where you want it. Once you learn this, you will be having all kinds of fun adding useless crap. :)
Hope this helps!
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