I can drive a hovver craft!

I can drive a hovver craft. Did any of you know this? Well I can. Dont worry if you didnt know. Neither did I.

Let me start at the beginning. Sudan needs money. Obviously. The Sudanese Government however, cant charge the expats here for much as almost all of them are working for NGO's and Aid agencies, and have tax exemptions. But it irks them to see all these rich white people driving around in their lovely cars. And then they hit on a jackpot. The cars.
'Surely there is something we can do with these cars?' they said to themselves.

This is what they did. Firstly, because GOSS (government of Southern Sudan) is all new and shiny after they have been declared free from the North, they decided they wanted their very own number plates. So every car in Juba had to have the number plates changed to official GOSS ones. This cost each owner about $700. Now here is where the jackpot comes in. Unlike in developed countries where you get 6 months to a year to change your plate, they gave everyone two weeks. Yes, two. And it takes approximately 1 month to get anything done in Sudan. So, now they can fine everyone. Excellent. This worked beautifully, but everyone eventually got themselves sorted.


The ministers all sat back and looked in satisfaction at the money generated by their little ploy. Ah, but if only they could find an excuse to do it again.....


Wait a second. Excuse? What do they need an excuse for? Are they not the shiny new government that has the power to do whatever they want? Yes! Indeed!


So 6 months down the line (this now being about 3 weeks ago) they decided that GOSS number plates werent good enough. No, they want one for each state of Southern Sudan. So the law changed. 2 weeks notice. Another $700 per car.


I was driving down the road, minding my own business when I was flagged down and told that I had the wrong number plate. Fine, dont bother arguing. How much is the fine? 40 sudanese pounds. OK I can live with that. Except that the reciept he gave me said 30sp. But you know what? I dont really care. Corruption is rife and I couldnt be bothered to take my life in my hands while I go back and complain to the rather aggressive traffic cop. I thought that would be the end to it. However, as I drove further down the road I was flagged down yet again. By this point I was getting a bit annoyed. I showed the guy my reciept for the fine I had JUST paid, and he looked distinctly disgruntled. He then spent several minutes walking round the car looking for something else to fine me on. Suddenly he remembered the new law passed yesterday, and I was asked for my licence. Gladly, I handed over my UK license card, which he proceeded to look at with fascination.
'This is not a licence', he says to me. 'Only Sudanese license is real license. You must get Sudanese licence. 40 pounds. Now.'
Fine. Just fine. Here is your 40 pounds you mad stupid idiot (I thought to myself).

Anyway, I paid the fine and then went back to the office to try to get my real Sudanese license sorted out. Apparently I need to take all my documents to the traffic department, which I did. When I arrived at the desk they gave me a form to fill out. They asked to see my visa, which I gave them. I looked through the form and it asks you to tick off which type of vehicle you want your licence to be for. I asked the guy behind the desk if he needed to see my licence. 'No madam, just tick the right one.'
A sly grin slid across my face as I ticked EVERYTHING. The guy didnt blink, just stamped all the correct things and handed me back my official Sudanese licence.

I am licenced to drive the following:

• Motorcycles less than 4 wheels and not more than 400kg laden
• Motor cars and dual purpose vehicles not exceeding 3500kg and no more than 7 passengers
• Medium goods vehicles and heavy tractors
• Heavy Goods vehicles
• Light omnibuses seating more than 7 and not exceeding 20 passengers
• Medium omnibuses seating more than 20 and not exceeding 60 passengers
• Heavy omnibusses seating more than 60 passengers
• Combination of vehicles
• Pedestrian controlled vehicles
• Engineering plant
• Hoover Vehicles

I have several questions here. Firstly, have you ever known a motorbike to carry a load of anything near 400kg? Secondly, what is a 'combination of vehicles?' Thirdly, what the hell is a 'pedestrian controlled vehicle'? Doesn't controlling a vehicle in and of itself negate the term pedestrian?

Lastly, what is a 'hoover vehicle'? I have decided to believe it is a hovver craft, of which there is ONE in the whole of Juba, and its privately owned and used on the river. Now at least I can steal it, and should I get stopped, I can prove that I am legally allowed to operate it.

Here's to hovver craft and pedestrian controlled vehicles. May I discover and drive them soon!