Its the topic on my mind. Partly because my cousin is getting married in a few weeks and partly because I keep getting proposed to and partly because EVERYONE else I know is either getting married or proposed to, and partly because 'rings' recently came up in conversation.
Anyway, today I was rearranging store rooms. Sounds simple doesn't it? We have 13 store rooms (I say store rooms, I mean containers, 20ft ones and one 40ft). 3 freezers, 4 fridges and 6 dry stores. They were in a mess. The bleach was being stored with the grains, the tinned food was in duplicate in 4 different store rooms, the meat was just in one big pile in the middle of a freezer with no shelves, I could go on. Basically a health and safety and logistical nightmare. I spent all day carrying 20ltr drums of cleaning liquid and drums of tomatoes and various other heavy items around. So I needed something to keep me entertained.
I decided to bring up the topic of marriage with my exclusively African staff. Normally they don't really talk to me. I am just 'madam'. This makes me feel old and slightly embarrassed, so I try to give them something to laugh at me about thats completely unrelated to work so that they still think of me as 'boss' but also as 'human'. (Its also weird to me that at the moment I have about 50 staff who report to me and most of them are 10years older than me. Sucks to be them)
The topic came up while I was laden with about 20kgs of 100% All American BBQ Sauce (made in Kenya) and my phone rang. I went though all the trouble of putting down my 100% real imitation foodstuff, reached into my pocket with filthy hands, got my phone out, only to realise that the call was from a crazy SPLA member I have been desperately trying to avoid for months. He decided I was going to be his second wife (not divorced, he just wants two wives). Please note that HE decided. Apparently this is not my choice. So I put it on silent and put my phone back in my pocket and turned back to what I was doing. And saw all the staff staring at me. Apparently not answering your phone is just NEVER done.
So I explained. Again they stared at me for a moment. Then one of them finally got up the courage and said "Madam, what is wrong with him that you aren't considering it?"
Me: Because I want to be the ONLY wife when I marry.
Staff: *amazed and confused silence*
Staff member #1: You know, you Kawajas (white people, foreigner etc) are very strange.
Me: Well, why? Are your wives happy with a second wife in their home?
Staff #2: No, but we just think they are being jealous. Its not for me to worry about.
Me: OK, well, if a man can have two wives, then why cant a woman have 2 husbands?
Staff: *absolute silence*
Staff: *followed by all making horrified noises in unison*
Staff #3: But Madam! That is madness. It has never been done before
This is coming from a man that until 3 years ago had never had a job, never used a flush toilet, never slept on a bed, or lived in one place for more than a year at a time.
Me: But many things have never been done before! You have never... (and then I stopped. How do I relate the above mentioned items without sounding like your typical elitist foreigner?)
Me: Um... well, I think that women should have the same rights as men and should be allowed to marry as many men as they want!
And with that I humphed off. There was a notable silence behind me, followed by a string of amazed high speed Arabic, followed by hysterical laughter. Job done, mission accomplished. Now they all think I am crazy.
Hey, at least this lot wont want to marry me!
7 comments:
I asked my wife, if I could ask you to be my second wife. She chuckled. Then said..."Only if I don't have to have sex with you anymore!"
Guess I lost.
There are cultures where women have multiple husbands. I fear the minds of your staff would literally pop if they were dropped into it. I don't know about you, but I'd be amused.
Bravo for injecting some excitement into their day. Keep this up and you'll become a legendary figure in Juba. "Did you ever hear about that insane white lady who used to live here? Let me tell you about one time...."
the only place where polyandry exists in small pockets of Himalayas, whereas Polygamy exists in the whole of Arab world and other small pockets such as cult churches in US and other places.
Hats off to you dear for at least presenting a different view of the world.
I'm going to say hats off for making them actually listen!!! Weird as it seems... taking a different stance... easy (especially for you from where you are and where you are now... but you're naturally inclined that way!!), getting them to engage in the conversation (even if for a brief period of time)... faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar more difficult!!! Good luck with the stalker... and if you do get married and I don't get invited... you're dead :p
Moe: I think you have just pointed out the ONLY reason a wife would be willing to share a man ;)
Geoff: I have every intention of showing them a file I downloaded from google about exactly that.. I cant wait!
Tazeen: Luckily most cultures have a rule that you can only have as many wives as you can afford to support comfortably. I think thats why they are so excited about many wives. Its a sign of wealth.
Shivs: If I have a wedding that doesn't involve 150 heads of cattle and a ritual sacrifice followed by me bolting to the border before consummation... I promise to send you an invite!
I'll be one of your husbands as long as all the others are just manly looking women ;)
You should have turned around and said something to the effect that you foreiners find them strange for wanting more than one dependant. Just if anything to prove a point that folks have different views everywhere you go and a world does exist outside of their home.
I honestly don't get them or Mormons or any other culture that would want more than one wife and a gaggle of kids to care for?? I just don't get it.
I know, it's a cultural thing...but I do wonder where some of these wonderful cultural ideas came from.
I mean do they collect wives like charms?? Whoever has the most wins??
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